


Letter for Snow

by embodiment_of_perfection



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:55:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8313058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embodiment_of_perfection/pseuds/embodiment_of_perfection
Summary: Welcome to angst town. Oh, were you having a good, happy day? Too bad! I am here with your daily dose of angst.





	

Simon Snow

 

I hope you get this letter too late. I hope when you are reading this, i’m six feet under the ground. And I so fucking hope you are miserable. Not that I’m doing this to make you miserable, that’s just a side bonus. 

I did come home last night. I was right outside the door when you and Bunce were talking. I heard you both. 

“ _ If his parent’s have no problem with him being a monster then why do they have a problem with my wings and tail?”  _

It was good to know what you thought of me. A monster.

My father agrees with you there.

Now that’s something i never thought i’d never say.

Snow, do you know why i could never tell my family about us?

No you don’t, you pretentious idiot. 

My whole life, my father blamed me for my mom’s death.

He kept reminding me what a monster I was. 

After i was turned, one time I went downstairs to get a sandwich late at night and he was talking to Fiona. He was crying. And he kept saying that he wished I had died instead of my mom. I was fucking  _ six years old.  _ __  
And do you know the worst part?   
Fiona never told him to stop saying that.

Do you know what that does to you?   
Hearing you father say he wished you were dead.

Remember that scar on my stomach that I said was by the numpties. I lied.

It was from that night.

I took a knife from the kitchen, sneaked out to the woods and shoved that knife in my own stomach.

I probably should have aimed for the heart but I was six, Snow. I didn’t know how to kill vampires.

It hurt like hell. I screamed for my mom. She never came. Nobody came. I kept on bleeding and bleeding. I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore. And then I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, covered in blood. But the wound on my body had healed. That’s when I learned that vampires have unusual healing. And then i sneaked back in, hid my bloody clothes and pretended that night never happened. But that wasn’t the only night I tried.

He treated me so nicely in front of other people. I hated him.

When i was twelve I was at a gala or something with him. My whole family was there. I kissed a boy there and he saw me. He told everybody how he loves me and how I’m his little boy and then when we went home. He took me to his room and locked the door. He ordered me to take off my shirt. I was so fucking scared. I didn’t even know what I had done wrong. And then he took off his belt. 

I tried it again that night. I stood on the railroad, waiting for the train. The train never came. I went back home and cried all night, laying on my stomach.

And then I met you.

I’ll be right back. There’s something I need to do.

Look at me. Talking to a piece of paper.

  
  


I’m back. Remember those pills i was prescribed? Well i did a little research a while ago, overdose on them causes severe results and in some cases death and ingestion with alcohol causes severe results too. I swallowed around fifteen of those with a bottle of vodka. If the pills don’t kill me, fingers crossed, the alcohol sure will. And yes, they do affect vampires. Don’t ask me how I know.

Actually, you won’t be able to ask me how i know, Snow. 

Excuse my handwri ting, my head is hurting so my hand is  little shaky.

It’s not as bad as   your handwriting,  though.

You stopped me that time in ~~te~~ the forest when I was going to burn myself. I was  so surprised that anybody actually ~~kared~~ cared. You stopped me with a kiss. I really wanted to you to love me and i thought you finally did. Simon I really believed you  loved me. You were the _one_ person in my life who knew what I was and still ~~luv~~ loved me. Everybody saw me as a monster but you saw me as Baz. Simon I loved you so fucking much. Hell, I still love. After everything, I still love you.

The words are ~~sping~~ spinning and it’s a  little hard to ~~wryt~~ write. Or maybe ~~aver~~   everything else is spinning? I don’t ~~reelly~~ really know.

Simon, I’m ~~sorre~~   sorry. I’m really really ~~soryy~~   sorry.

I wish I you never met me. I am like a ~~blakhole~~ black hole. I take away everything ~~nyce~~ nice from people’s ~~livv~~ ~~lived~~ lives. I am so sorry  for making you ~~misera~~ miserable. I never meant to. You were the one ~~go~~ good thing that happened to   me. And then you   took that away  from me. But I forgive  you. It’s  not   your   fault. ~~Mayy~~   Maybe my ~~fah~~ father   was right  all along.   Maybe I ~~aam~~     am a ~~mos~~     monster.

 I can feel it Simon.   They   have a    faster effect on me.   ~~Fastrr~~ ~~fastt~~   faster metabolism. I     am truly so   sorry.I  hope ~~wh~~ we ~~mt~~   meet in a ~~n et~~   next    ~~lftim e~~   lifetime. I ~~hp~~ ~~hep~~   hope ~~uo~~ you ~~caan~~   can ~~fori~~ forgive me.   

               I   lo ve   yo u    S i  

  
  



End file.
